The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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