like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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