I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
