my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i can't believe i had my finger in that
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
