"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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