All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
