So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
