She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
