Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
