walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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