i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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