sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
