Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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