Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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