you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
