don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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