Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
