dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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