what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
