there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You are the jesus of drinking
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
