yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
