I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
