i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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