Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
