This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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