I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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