Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
MIDGETS
????
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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