They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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