two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
