I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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