All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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