I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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