Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
