wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
