U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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