So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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