This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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