You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
