doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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