They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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