A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
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