There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
