I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
