the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
