guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Randomize
