I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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