never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
