How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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