I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
