Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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