In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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