hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
