I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
