there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
