If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
