so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
