Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
