erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
