Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
