As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
