the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
