Where is the hickey?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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