I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize