Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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