Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
