If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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