Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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