Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
