my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hippo gnu deer
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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