The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
So squirting runs in the family.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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