i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
