She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Rumble strips road head = magical
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
