so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
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