Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Randomize
