I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sorry about my life...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
