Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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